Somatic coaching for women: when you’re tired of putting everyone else first

Do you find yourself saying yes when you really want to say no?

You agree to help, take on more work or go out when you’re exhausted. Then afterwards you feel angry, overwhelmed or frustrated with yourself.

You knew you needed a break. So why was it so difficult to say that?

Too often, especially as women, we’re taught to be nice, keep the peace and make sure everyone else is okay. But where does that leave us?

What is somatic coaching?

Somatic coaching brings the body into the conversation.

We talk about what’s happening in your life, but we also slow down and notice how you’re experiencing it.

Perhaps your jaw tightens when you talk about work. Perhaps you hold your breath when you think about saying no. Or you notice you’re smiling while describing something that actually makes you angry.

These are things we can get curious about, rather than judge.

In my work, this might involve gentle somatic movement, noticing sensations or practising saying a boundary out loud. There’s no pressure to feel something or do an exercise that doesn’t feel right for you.

Nervous system regulation doesn’t mean being calm all the time

There’s a huge misconception that emotional regulation means we should always be calm.

But what if you’re angry because someone keeps crossing your boundaries?

Do you need to calm down, or do you need support to say, “This isn’t okay with me”?

Sometimes we need rest. Sometimes we need movement. Sometimes we need to have an honest conversation we’ve been avoiding.

For me, regulation is about understanding what we feel and having more choice about how we respond.

People-pleasing and learning to say no

You can understand why you people-please and still find yourself doing it.

That’s why I’m interested in what happens in the moment someone asks something of you.

Do you rush to answer? Does your stomach tighten? Are you already worrying about disappointing them before you’ve checked whether you actually want to say yes?

A simple place to begin is:

“Let me think about it and get back to you.”

That gives you a little space to notice what you feel, consider what’s being asked and decide what works for you.

You don’t have to answer straight away.

Start by noticing what you need

Before your next commitment, pause and ask yourself:

“Do I have the energy for this?”

“Do I want to do this?”

“What would I like to say?”

You might not know straight away. That’s okay too.

And sometimes the problem is that too much is being asked of you. Looking after yourself can include asking for help or changing what you’re willing to take on.

Working with me

My approach to somatic coaching brings together conversation, body awareness, gentle movement and self-compassion.

We make space to explore your feelings, practise boundaries and notice your needs before automatically putting them aside.

If you’d like to explore working together, get in touch through my website. We can talk about what you’re looking for and whether my approach feels right for you.